SKY BLUE REVERIES

It's midnight and I'm running high on adrenaline which makes it hard for me to fall asleep.  Anyway, the past few days I've been indulging myself in videos, tweets, photos, news, and just basically anything related to a show called Shadow and Bone. Now I can't seem to get my head out of fangirling mode, that's how addicting this show is. I don't know what it is about fantasy/sci-fi/dystopian series or movies but when it is executed right, it will always get me hyped up. 

However, this post is not gonna be about me fangirling Shadow and Bone (maybe I'll write something about it another day). Besides, I've done that too much already and I think my friends are getting tired of me for tweeting and posting stories too much of Alina and the Darkling. So we're not gonna go there. 

But we are gonna discuss this particular photo and the caption that's in it.  

While watching Shadow and Bone, you can't deny that there is this raw borderline sexual energy between the character of Alina and the Darkling. Before we go any further though, I must say that it is a problematic and toxic relationship. All of the lies and manipulation that he did to Alina are wrong and you should steer clear from that in any type of relationship in real life. It's not healthy. So yeah, try to keep that in mind. 

Moving on, as much as I love Mal and I know how sincere his love is for Alina (especially since they grew up together and treat each other as equals), a part of me still wishes that Alina and the Darkling will be the final deal. And that photo perfectly describes my emotions. 

Is it possible for a female lead character in ANY SERIES OR MOVIE, like Alina, to just fall in love with the villain (in this case the Darkling) and choose to stand by his side instead of going back to her first love and fight against him? 

LIKE HAS THIS BEEN DONE? HAS IT? I DON'T THINK SO.
(Oh yeah another disclaimer, I'm not saying that I condone abusive and violent behaviors like the Darkling. I'm not. The context here is a villain CHARACTER in a FICTIONAL setting.)

I'm just saying, wouldn't it be fun and refreshing just for once to have a couple where they are both downright evil and do typical villainy stuff together. Especially when you have a villain that can be intriguing and disturbing at the same time. This can provide us as the audience such a fun pov. We then get to see two villains trying to defeat the good guy and whether they succeed or fail that's another thing to think about. 

So if any one of you reading this knows a fantasy/sci-fi/ dystopian movie or series where the two lead characters started out as enemies and then the main female character decided to be a villain and throw away all of her good moral compass followed by wanting to conquer the world together with her villain partner, please let me know.  I personally haven't watch anything with that kind of plot. Perhaps they exist in books, but I don't think they can be found in movies or tv series. Also, we're not talking about other genres. I'd like to emphasize the fantasy/sci-fi/dystopian setting. The story must take place in either of these three settings. 

That's all for now. I hope you enjoy my rant about whatever this is. Now I think I can fall asleep. 

 

Hello to whoever reading this. Brace yourself because this is going to be a long one.



2019 is almost coming to an end! What a year it has been. Honestly, this year is a special one for me. It has been a year of growth. The first seven months were full of ups and downs. I say that because I was working on my undergraduate thesis haha. It was wearing me out physically and mentally. It was full-on lab work, non-stop trials and errors, and a boatload of going back and forth to Glodok, Kenari, and Bogor to buy all the tools. It was truly something. But let me tell you, achieving a pretty good result and final product that I'm proud of feels so damn good. Not gonna lie. It feels really good. Those seven months are unforgettable and I'm so lucky to have my fellow research teammates who are so supportive. They were my go-to people to make me laugh during all the stressful times because we're in the same boat and they are the ones who truly get it. We went through a lot together and amazingly we made it! Basically what I've learned from this is that I'm stronger than I thought. I'm grateful for the experience. Everything that has happened made me the person I am today. I won't change it for anything. Also, the trip to Penang and Bali with them was really fun.

After all of the hard work in the lab, writing the thesis and papers, it was finally graduattioooonn time~ the day that I've been waiting forever since my third semester haha. The rehearsal day and the actual graduation day were hectic. For the most part, it was me trying to take as many photos as I can of myself and with my friends and family. I didn't have a moment to really take it in, you know to tell myself like "wow I just graduated" or "I finish engineering school" or "this is probably the last time I'm going to see the majority of my college friends ever again". Now I kinda wish I realized that last part sooner. Let's go back for a while.





The first day of college was all about excitement and enthusiasm for the future. It was a brand new environment for everyone. It was a clean slate, you can create a whole new identity and be a new person than you were in high school. Then as you continue, you realized that it's not all fun and games. There were many instances where I thought "why the heck did I choose this major", "what was I thinking" and "I wish I was in a different major instead". But then I looked at my friends and I saw that they all struggled too. So....I don't know, I guess I find it comforting to know that I'm not the only one. The beautiful thing is that we all helped and supported each other. Like honestly if my friends weren't that, I'd definitely consider changing my major. Fortunately, they all are good fun kind people that I have the pleasure to be friends with. I just can't imagine going through four years without any support system because chemical engineering is tough man haha.





I can easily say that all the positive memories that I've made during my college years outweigh the bad ones. Why? Because of my friends. Was it stressful? Definitely. Was it fun? Heck yeah. I genuinely wish the best of luck to my friends for the new journey they're embarking on. We're not college students anymore. That means no more classes, no more midterms or finals, no more studying last minute together. All of that is in the past. The road feels more abstract now compare to college, where before we always know what our schedule is and what to expect from the semester. Now it's full of question marks. It's a new chapter and it's daunting yet thrilling.



Last but not least, I feel immensely grateful for my family. I especially appreciate them more now than ever. Probably because during my not-so-good moments, that I realized how big of support they are to me. Their presence is something that I often took for granted. Thus by the time I felt lost and out of touch with myself, I finally understand that I should never take them for granted in the first place. I'm pretty vocal about my affections to my family in real life. Therefore I don't think I need to write in full details about it. Anyway, I know I can be a handful at times. So to my family who might be reading this, thank you for putting up with me and for always knocking some senses into me.




Before I made this post, I had no idea where to begin and where to stop. The last time I post was in February 2018. You can imagine that my brain is bursting with ideas and stories I wanted to tell about everything that has happened in between. As a closing statement, I'll be honest with you I kinda feel scared for the future. But scared in a good way. I think it's embedded in our DNA to wanting to grow. We're constantly searching for a new adventure and challenge to take on. I'm ready for my new chapter. I don't know how it will be and where it may take me. All I know is, I'm ready.

Let me give you the back story first. This afternoon I came across this musical gem on youtube. And let me tell you something about myself, I love (once again, love) finding new indie singers or bands through youtube, spotify, tumblr etc. It always feels as if someone gives me a delicious treat to my art-craving soul.

My curiosity has led me to find this musical gem that is Parekh and Singh. They are an alternative pop duo from Kolkata and my goodness their music video is so pleasing to the eyes! If you love Wes Anderson, this is definitely right up to your alley. Other than the aesthetically pleasing music video another thing that caught my attention was their lyrics. I don't know what has gotten into me, but somehow I managed to listen intensively to the lyrics from the get-go. On a side note, their debut album is actually released in 2016, so if anyone reading this and is about to mock me "Sesia, do you really think you're cool. I mean this was sooo last year"......well go ahead. I never claimed myself as a music hipster anyway.

This is Parekh and Singh. And I'll link the music video down below this post.

Before I moved, I was just this girl going back and forth between home and school. As a kid that was the only world I knew of. Nothing less nothing more. I watched Indian movies or telenovela after I came home from school. I went to an Islamic private school and I had never set my feet outside the Java island. But all of that changed in 2006.



The image of arriving in Schiphol airport for the first time is a bit blurry in my brain. I remember Aunt E. and Uncle T. picked us up at the airport, I remember the Burger King but that's all I remember.  What took me by surprise was how cold it was. It was in September or October when we arrived hence the whether was chilly. There were many first times for me on that day we arrived. It was a bit overwhelming for a nine year old girl to handle whom her world was drastically changed from the heat of Jakarta to the cold dutch breeze.

Fast forward to a few days later we moved to our apartment. Our apartment that was still empty and unfurnished. Slowly we made that apartment as our comfy home for the next four years. I also had to experience something that pushes me outside of my comfort zone, school. I remember I read a novel as a kid that was about a girl named Mallory who moved to a new town and had to start all over again at her new school. Little did I know, I was about to experience it myself. But in my case it was different. I moved to a different continent, a country with a whole other set of customs and culture.

School. I can talk for hours about this topic. Don't know honestly where to begin, where to stop, or  what I exactly want to tell. I think the word that suits the most for this particular topic is life-changing. If someone ask me what period of time of my life is my favorite, I can easily answer without any hesitation and that would be my elementary school years in Delft. It was a time where everything felt exciting and new.  To my teachers who all have left an everlasting memory in my heart, juf Els, juf Bianca, juf Danielle, meester Peter, and juf Yvonne. I'm eternally grateful for the countless support and lessons you've given to me.

I learned for the first time that studying can be fun. Students were allowed to think outside of the box and to express their opinions. I realized later on that those two things are extremely rare in the Indonesian education system. Honestly I can't remember feeling stressed out during my elementary years. I feel like all I did was play. I mean sure I was studying history, math, English, Dutch, geography and all sort of stuff, but it was all done in such a way where there was no pressure involved. I mean I remember very clearly that all I did after school was hop from one playground to another or played trampoline in my friend's garden for hours and drink lemonade. It was amazing. To feel free, happy, and stress-free.

My final year in elementary school played a huge part in making this experience wonderful. To start, it was the year where I got the main character for the annual play and the play was My Fair Lady. That year I learned the beauty of drama. I learned how much fun it can be to play other characters that are not even remotely close to your own. Meester Peter who taught me the art of improv and made me feel confident performing on stage. Till this day, I still wish I can learn more about drama and be part of a drama club or something like that...

That final year was closed with a one week school trip to Gelderland. The long bicycle rides along the hills, the beautiful landscapes that we passed, the art museum, poker night, gala, now all of them feels like a dream and out of my reach.


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I think no matter how old I am, I can never stop talking about my experience in the Netherlands. As much as I want to tell every single bit of my experience, I know I have to stop myself. It truly gives me joy as I'm making this post and reminiscing about the past. But nothing good comes out from thinking too much about the past. It only leaves me with a bittersweet feeling. Because I know it's all in the past and it can never be replayed. All those tingling excitement can never be felt again. There's a big chance that I might never see the majority of my friends again no matter how much I miss them.


I still have this vivid image of saying good bye to my close friends. It was in a playground close to my elementary school. As I walked away from them,  I stop at every three meters to look back and wave to them. They all just stood in one place and kept waving until the both of us lost a clear image of each other. And I remember I had tears in my eyes as I walked back home because I realized that was it.

All the good and bad stuff that happened back then has such a strong influence for making me the person that I am today and I won't change any bit of it. I'm ready for a new chapter in my life, for a new adventure, for feeling excited and scared at the same time.















P.S I don't think this will be my last post related to my childhood years in Delft

It was purely out of the blue, but when I saw it I knew I wanted to get lost in it.


JK. I'm not talking about some deep stuff right now. So long story short, I somehow stumbled upon a book of "Favorite Tales from William Shakepeare" while I was cleaning up my family's book shelf. Curiosity got me and I decided to read its first tale which was Romeo and Juliet.

I know that usually students in western countries must have read at least one story of  Shakespeare during their high school years and make a book report about it. But, since I spent my high school years in Jakarta, I've never had the opportunity where I was obligated to read Shakespeare or any classic author for that matter. And I figured, I might as well try to read it now before it's too late.

Later on there was this idea that pops into my head of making a book report about it, but then I realized that it might take a bit too much of my time. Since we all know that making a book report ain't easy people. You have to do research about the characters, make a solid argument of your own point of view of the story, make an in depth analyses about each characters and events, it's just too much for me. But I still want to pour out my thoughts about this tale as old as time.


The story of Romeo and Juliet as stars-crossed lovers have such a strong appeal for many generations. The countless remakes have been made through many different form of art. Romeo and Juliet is also considered to be one of Shakespeare's most popular works. I mean hey, I can see why it's popular till this day. It has all the elements of a sappy romantic movie like we now have. It's a guilty pleasure, but we all know we'll still watch it nonetheless.

I assume that people know the general story line of Romeo and Juliet so I won't get too much into that. It's you know the usual stuff like two houses fighting with one another, a boy meets a girl at a ball, he fell in love with her and she with him, and as it turns out the girl is the daughter of the boy's family's enemy, despite the enmity between the two houses they're trying to keep their relationship, but unfortunately it doesn't work out well for the boy and the girl. The end.

My initial reaction to this was, okay-ish. I mean when you see in movies, they usually depict it in a way where you will swoon over Romeo because of his charisma and love for Juliet. But I didn't get that same feeling and emotion when I finished reading this. The first thing that hit me was how fast  their relationship was. I mean, sure it was like love at first sight but they barely know each other. And I feel like the attraction that they had was merely a physical attraction rather than an emotional attraction.  

If my calculation is right, they met on Sunday and both of them confess their love/attraction. On Monday they got married in secret. That same day Romeo was banned from Verona. On Tuesday Juliet received the news that her father demands Juliet to marry the suitor that her father had chosen and that she would marry him on Thursday. Then the following night she drank the poisonous vial. On Wednesday Juliet was proclaimed dead.On Thursday Romeo heard the news and came to the tomb where he thought she was truly dead so he drank a poison to kill himself and after Juliet woke up from her 42 hours of sleep and found that Romeo has killed him self because he thought she was dead, she decided to also end her life (for real this time).


There were a lot of things happening in a short amount of time. Also another thing to consider is the language. It's archaic but that is expected from and old tale like this. I've had to search a few words to fully understand the whole meaning of it. All in all it was a good experience, and reading one of classic Shakespeare's work has always been lingering somewhere in the back of my mind. So it feels good to finally cross this one out.