SKY BLUE REVERIES

Before I moved, I was just this girl going back and forth between home and school. As a kid that was the only world I knew of. Nothing less nothing more. I watched Indian movies or telenovela after I came home from school. I went to an Islamic private school and I had never set my feet outside the Java island. But all of that changed in 2006.



The image of arriving in Schiphol airport for the first time is a bit blurry in my brain. I remember Aunt E. and Uncle T. picked us up at the airport, I remember the Burger King but that's all I remember.  What took me by surprise was how cold it was. It was in September or October when we arrived hence the whether was chilly. There were many first times for me on that day we arrived. It was a bit overwhelming for a nine year old girl to handle whom her world was drastically changed from the heat of Jakarta to the cold dutch breeze.

Fast forward to a few days later we moved to our apartment. Our apartment that was still empty and unfurnished. Slowly we made that apartment as our comfy home for the next four years. I also had to experience something that pushes me outside of my comfort zone, school. I remember I read a novel as a kid that was about a girl named Mallory who moved to a new town and had to start all over again at her new school. Little did I know, I was about to experience it myself. But in my case it was different. I moved to a different continent, a country with a whole other set of customs and culture.

School. I can talk for hours about this topic. Don't know honestly where to begin, where to stop, or  what I exactly want to tell. I think the word that suits the most for this particular topic is life-changing. If someone ask me what period of time of my life is my favorite, I can easily answer without any hesitation and that would be my elementary school years in Delft. It was a time where everything felt exciting and new.  To my teachers who all have left an everlasting memory in my heart, juf Els, juf Bianca, juf Danielle, meester Peter, and juf Yvonne. I'm eternally grateful for the countless support and lessons you've given to me.

I learned for the first time that studying can be fun. Students were allowed to think outside of the box and to express their opinions. I realized later on that those two things are extremely rare in the Indonesian education system. Honestly I can't remember feeling stressed out during my elementary years. I feel like all I did was play. I mean sure I was studying history, math, English, Dutch, geography and all sort of stuff, but it was all done in such a way where there was no pressure involved. I mean I remember very clearly that all I did after school was hop from one playground to another or played trampoline in my friend's garden for hours and drink lemonade. It was amazing. To feel free, happy, and stress-free.

My final year in elementary school played a huge part in making this experience wonderful. To start, it was the year where I got the main character for the annual play and the play was My Fair Lady. That year I learned the beauty of drama. I learned how much fun it can be to play other characters that are not even remotely close to your own. Meester Peter who taught me the art of improv and made me feel confident performing on stage. Till this day, I still wish I can learn more about drama and be part of a drama club or something like that...

That final year was closed with a one week school trip to Gelderland. The long bicycle rides along the hills, the beautiful landscapes that we passed, the art museum, poker night, gala, now all of them feels like a dream and out of my reach.


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I think no matter how old I am, I can never stop talking about my experience in the Netherlands. As much as I want to tell every single bit of my experience, I know I have to stop myself. It truly gives me joy as I'm making this post and reminiscing about the past. But nothing good comes out from thinking too much about the past. It only leaves me with a bittersweet feeling. Because I know it's all in the past and it can never be replayed. All those tingling excitement can never be felt again. There's a big chance that I might never see the majority of my friends again no matter how much I miss them.


I still have this vivid image of saying good bye to my close friends. It was in a playground close to my elementary school. As I walked away from them,  I stop at every three meters to look back and wave to them. They all just stood in one place and kept waving until the both of us lost a clear image of each other. And I remember I had tears in my eyes as I walked back home because I realized that was it.

All the good and bad stuff that happened back then has such a strong influence for making me the person that I am today and I won't change any bit of it. I'm ready for a new chapter in my life, for a new adventure, for feeling excited and scared at the same time.















P.S I don't think this will be my last post related to my childhood years in Delft

It was purely out of the blue, but when I saw it I knew I wanted to get lost in it.


JK. I'm not talking about some deep stuff right now. So long story short, I somehow stumbled upon a book of "Favorite Tales from William Shakepeare" while I was cleaning up my family's book shelf. Curiosity got me and I decided to read its first tale which was Romeo and Juliet.

I know that usually students in western countries must have read at least one story of  Shakespeare during their high school years and make a book report about it. But, since I spent my high school years in Jakarta, I've never had the opportunity where I was obligated to read Shakespeare or any classic author for that matter. And I figured, I might as well try to read it now before it's too late.

Later on there was this idea that pops into my head of making a book report about it, but then I realized that it might take a bit too much of my time. Since we all know that making a book report ain't easy people. You have to do research about the characters, make a solid argument of your own point of view of the story, make an in depth analyses about each characters and events, it's just too much for me. But I still want to pour out my thoughts about this tale as old as time.


The story of Romeo and Juliet as stars-crossed lovers have such a strong appeal for many generations. The countless remakes have been made through many different form of art. Romeo and Juliet is also considered to be one of Shakespeare's most popular works. I mean hey, I can see why it's popular till this day. It has all the elements of a sappy romantic movie like we now have. It's a guilty pleasure, but we all know we'll still watch it nonetheless.

I assume that people know the general story line of Romeo and Juliet so I won't get too much into that. It's you know the usual stuff like two houses fighting with one another, a boy meets a girl at a ball, he fell in love with her and she with him, and as it turns out the girl is the daughter of the boy's family's enemy, despite the enmity between the two houses they're trying to keep their relationship, but unfortunately it doesn't work out well for the boy and the girl. The end.

My initial reaction to this was, okay-ish. I mean when you see in movies, they usually depict it in a way where you will swoon over Romeo because of his charisma and love for Juliet. But I didn't get that same feeling and emotion when I finished reading this. The first thing that hit me was how fast  their relationship was. I mean, sure it was like love at first sight but they barely know each other. And I feel like the attraction that they had was merely a physical attraction rather than an emotional attraction.  

If my calculation is right, they met on Sunday and both of them confess their love/attraction. On Monday they got married in secret. That same day Romeo was banned from Verona. On Tuesday Juliet received the news that her father demands Juliet to marry the suitor that her father had chosen and that she would marry him on Thursday. Then the following night she drank the poisonous vial. On Wednesday Juliet was proclaimed dead.On Thursday Romeo heard the news and came to the tomb where he thought she was truly dead so he drank a poison to kill himself and after Juliet woke up from her 42 hours of sleep and found that Romeo has killed him self because he thought she was dead, she decided to also end her life (for real this time).


There were a lot of things happening in a short amount of time. Also another thing to consider is the language. It's archaic but that is expected from and old tale like this. I've had to search a few words to fully understand the whole meaning of it. All in all it was a good experience, and reading one of classic Shakespeare's work has always been lingering somewhere in the back of my mind. So it feels good to finally cross this one out.

 "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the whole world"




I grow up surrounded with so much love. The way you always made time to play with me after you came home from work regardless how tired you are. You hugged me, you lifted me up in the air, you kissed me, and you liked to pretend as if you were a monster to make me laugh.

You were the one who taught me how to ride a bike, how to swim, how to play basketball. God I still remember you taught me how to do a slam dunk since you liked to show off your skill haha.
You were the one who went with me every time I want to go to an arcade since mom didn't share our love of arcade games. Oh and let's not forget all the time you've spent teaching me physics and math till midnight.

When I was young I used to cry since kakak Tara and kakak Karina liked to tease me for not having the experience flying in an airplane or living abroad. Then you and mom took the guts to take our family on an adventure to a foreign country that none of us could speak the language at that time.
You're willing to give up all the comfortable things we had in Jakarta and leave everything behind for an unforgettable experience for the whole family, especially for me and kakak Karina. You're never scared to step out of your comfort zone. You're not scared when facing difficulties, instead you embrace them. Because of your determination and courage, kakak Tara, kakak Karina and I now have an experience of a life time that we will never forget. Because of you, I am rich in experience. All the beautiful places and things I've seen and done would never be possible if it weren't for you.


Our conversations in the car when it's just you and me are one of my favorite memories of us. The way you talk about life has left a deep impression in me. And I love how you're able to lift up my spirit and motivation

"Long lasting beauty is inner beauty"
"Of course it's okay to be sad, but you can't be sad for too long. One day is okay to grieve but the next day you have to get up and move on"
"It's okay to be different, be proud of it!"
"Always be grateful"
"You have to be able to think on your own feet. You must be able to survive no matter how hard life gets"
"Don't be scared to try new things"
"Now it's your time to explore the world and make your own adventure"



There are so many fond unforgettable memories that we shared together. Like that day back in 7th grade when I had severe toothache because I had a cavity in my teeth and you came immediately from work to my school to take me to an emergency dentist. That day when you and I went swimming in a lake in Germany and we got lost for a while before we finally found the lake. That day when it was just you and me, with me sitting on the back seat of your bicycle while you biked all the way from Rotterdam to Delft. The days where I was in that period of time where I was terrified of ghosts kidnapping me in the middle of night, you were the one who came to my room to soothe me and told me that everything is alright. Or that day when you hugged me and kakak Tara tightly while we were in tears at the hospital waiting room..


I'm sorry that I don't show my affection that often to you nowadays. But please know that I always love you. I hope you know that. We might not agree with each other at all times and I'm sorry if along the way I have hurt your feelings.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you've given to me, for all the sacrifices you've made for our family, for always being strong even when time gets tough. Thank you ayahku for always having my back even during times where I feel like I have let you and mom down, you still have faith in me. Thank you for going to my piano recitals, cheerleading competitions, my marching band competitions, my dance performances, my theater performances back in elementary school, my sports competitions, basically everything. For supporting me and letting me choose to do whatever hobby I want to get into. Thank you for the never ending inspiration you've shown me, your passion at the things you love inspires me to do the same thing with my life. I could go on and on because the list is endless but then this post will be longer and cheesier.




 "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the whole world"
And that's what you are to me. You're my whole world. It's as simple as that. You're my dad, hero, inspiration and friend. Keep being weird and jayus ayah:)

Happy father's day ayahku sayang ♥

By the time I was reading his full interview, I felt like this interview was somehow a way to console my confused heart. Especially this part




I think these two songs are ample to depict my inner conflict

Hello you!

Have I told you that I miss this blog very much? Probably not, but here I am back at it again! I feel like a blog is the only platform where I can be almost my genuine self. It's a different case with Instagram, snap chat or Facebook where you try to impress other people with your life and only post the good stuff about. While with blogging you can show a bit more vulnerability.

Okay hold on a sec...What am I mumbling about?! I'm sorry. Let's get back to the point shall we?

The upcoming three months will be filled with me reading books, watching classic and new released movies, catching up on tv shows, having reunions with old friends, and being a couch potato. So on behalf of my holiday spirit and my comeback to my own blog (who no one cares or read) I would like to show you some of the books that I purchased in the last couple of months and plan (let me emphasize the word "plan") on finishing before the new semester starts. Knowing my reading speed I don't think that I'm able to finish 8 books in the span of three months, but hey maybe just maybe I might surprise myself by the end of the holiday. Here we go!

On a side note this list will be mixed with books that I have finished, half read, and not read at all. And it's kind of like a book review but not really...so yeah you've been warned.

1) The Miniaturist by Jessie Burton

The first book is the book I'm currently reading. I have this book for a while now but it was so hard to find the time to read it when my semester was still on full force. Anyway the story takes place in 17th century Amsterdam. The story follows Nella who is a 19 year old girl who just got married to an older merchant through an arranged marriage. As a wedding gift her husband gave her a miniature of their house and slowly strange things started to happen in the house. And the secrets that lies within the characters started to unravel. That's kind of  the premise of the book.

The story is quite slow paced but man oh man it is so beautifully written! The main characters which include Nella, Johannes (her husband), Marin (sister-in-law), Cornelia and Otto (the servants) have really compelling back story. Let me just tell you from the minute I read this book, I got this eerie vibe to it (and yasss I love it). As I'm typing this I'm still at 2/3 of the book. I don't really read historical fiction that often but I'm glad that I bought this.  If you like to read a book that makes you really invested in the characters, story full of secrets and suspense or if you want to have a picture of how Amsterdam is during the Dutch Golden Era, I recommend you to read The Miniaturist.

2) Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

The second in my list is Carry On by Rainbow Rowell. Just looking at this book already makes me already so happy, even though I have no idea what the story is about hahaha. I'm being a bit biased here since I'm a fan of Rainbow Rowell's books (although Attachment was a bit of  a let down for me). If you've read Fangirl you probably know who Simon and Baz are. While in Fangirl we read the fan fiction version from Cath's pov, in Carry On we will read "the actual" story of Simon and Baz.

Oh ya in Fangirl you can already see that the story of Simon and Baz is inspired by the Harry Potter series but I think the main difference in this story is that Simon's love interest is Baz. Other than that I really don't know what it's about. As long as I can remember I don't think I have ever read a book where the main character is homosexual. I think this will be an interesting read since it will by my first book with this type of genre.

Am I interested in this book? Yes. Very much, because this book has great reviews on Goodreads.
Do I think this will beat "Landline" or "Eleanor and Park"? No

3) The Testimony by James Smythe

From the this book onward I will not tell you the premise of the book (except book #7 since I've read it). That's because I have never read it myself. To be honest I bought this book for one reason only....because the book has a similar cover to The Most Dangerous Animal of All #sorry

Right?

But if you're curious as much as I am, here is what Goodreads says about The Testimony by James Smythe

"Nothing much has changed in the post-Obama world. The threat of terrorism is high, religions are warring and politics is still riddled with corruption. But when the static is heard across the globe followed by an ominous broadcast, seemingly 'ordinary' lives are changed for ever."

Now you and I are on the same page. Moving on.

4) The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

I have watched and read so many reviews about how good Donna Tartt's books are. One day I saw this book on sale and I figure why not buy it and see what the fuss is all about. That is exactly what I'm going to do. I want to read it so that I know why many people rave about her books.

5) The Man with the Compound Eyes by Wu Ming-Yi

You know one of those instances where you just buy a book because of its cover? Well, this is one of those instances. I was at a book sale and I saw this book amid pile of random books, and it just caught my attention. I mean look at the cover! It's so prettyyy

I have absolutely no intention to search this book on the internet. I want to surprise myself. Normally before buying a book I would read other people's review or explore goodreads to see what books are currently trending. But for this book I just want to dive in to the story with zero expectation.

6) Malavita by Tonino Benacquista

This is another book that I bought at a big book sale. There are a few factors why I bought this book:

• cover 
• the  "Soon To Be A Major Motion Picture" on the cover
• the tv show Sopranos that is written on the cover
• the good reviews from The Guardian and The Independent
• As it turns out this book has been adapted and is called "The Family" starring Robert De Niro

Nough said.

7) Di Hadapan Rahasia by Adiman Immanuel

Unlike other entries in this list, this book is a poetry book and it's in Indonesian. Before this, I only have read one poetry book (it's a shame, I know). My first poetry book that I read was " Aku Ini Binatang Jalang " by Chairil Anwar.
It took me a while before I actually read it because I was a bit scared that the words would be hard for me to understand. It turns out it wasn't that bad. I don't think I can give any review about it since this is only my second poetry book. I can say that I enjoyed it and it was like a fresh breath of air for me.

A small part from one of the poems that I really like is called " Di  Altar " and it goes like this,

8) Ayah by Andrea Hirata

This is the second Indonesian entry in this list. I feel a little bit guilty for only buying and reading english books. To change that I decided to buy this book written by one and only Andrea Hirata. The sole reason why I bought this is because my old high school friend used to tell me how much she loves Andrea Hirata's writing style. I haven't read any Indonesian novels in the longest time, so I'm quite excited to read this.

9) Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

And at last, let's end this list with a classic! I have always wanted to read more classic English literature, since my sisters and my mom have a lot more knowledge about classic English lit than me and I don't want to be left behind. I have watched the movie version starring Mia Wasikowska, Michael Fassbender and Judi Dench and I absolutely love it! I even got teary when Rochester breaks down in tears in while hugging Jane. I mean.....the feels ugh :( 

I feel like I need to read this because Jane Eyre have often been considered as those type of books that you must read before you die. I also want to see more of Jane's growth into adulthood because I feel like in the movie they skipped it too much of her sufferings and her struggles when she was still young.


So that's it! Phew finally this post comes to an end. Happy holiday y'all

But I can't help but drive away from all the mess you made
You sent this hurricane now it won't go away
And I promised I'd be there but you don't make it easy

Darling please believe me
Cause loving you, loving you is too hard
All I do, all I do's not enough
Loving you, loving you
I cannot be loving you, loving you
Loving you, loving you leaves me hurt
All I do, all I do is get burnt
Loving you, loving you
I cannot be loving you, loving you

Title Song: Drive
Artist: OhWonder
Album: Oh Wonder






Artist: Oh Wonder
Album: Oh Wonder

I am tired of this place, I hope people change
I need time to replace what I gave away
And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all

I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes
I see a little house on the hill and children's names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake

Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall
Only fools fall for you, only fools
Only fools do what I do, only fools fall

Album: Blue Neighborhood

I love this city. Despite its traffic jams and the huge amount of people, this is still the place I can always called home. Sure it's nice to live in a big metropolitan city, but it still has its downsides. The big city is often associated as a melting pot for people who dream of a better future. In big cities, it is so easy to get lost. And I mean it as both literally and figuratively. Let's not talk about the definitive meaning of lit since I'm pretty sure that everyone know what it means. By figuratively I mean that usually people in the city are so driven to chase their dreams and working out their own personal struggles that they tend to forget to be socially aware of the things that happen around them. It's undeniably easy to ended up just following other people's orders around and forget that you too have your own voice and dreams.

Recently I saw on my instagram that the beautiful and talented Maudy Ayunda just released a single called "Jakarta Ramai". This song is so soothing for your ears and soul. The song is basically a love letter to Jakarta. And the lyrics is spot on, because it truly portrays the feelings and thoughts of the people living or working in Jakarta. Please take a listen to this song. Oh, and go watch the music video so you can see the urban life in this busy city.

Another weekend another cafe.

It has been three years  since I last went to the old part of Jakarta. I feel like nothing has changed, just more crowded. Somehow going to the old part of the city, makes me feel like a foreign tourist. Went to a cafe called Historia. Overall it was a weekend well spent.

Decided to brighten up the blog, because it's getting too dark and gloomy. I mean it's still January, I've got to start the new year with positive vibe. On that note, here are few photos that were taken during my holiday in Malang last December.